


Sometimes

by Seilann



Category: Stand Still Stay Silent
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Introspection, Protective Sibling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-22
Updated: 2016-01-22
Packaged: 2018-05-15 14:40:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5789218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seilann/pseuds/Seilann
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He can't make Tuuri's decisions for her. No one else can make this decision for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sometimes

Sometimes Onni thinks he can do it. It’s just a matter of stepping from the dock to the ramp, from the ramp to the deck. All he has to do after that is  _not_  jump overboard.

Or get food poisoning.

Or be burned alive in some freak accident.

Or choose the wrong time to go to the toilet, trapping himself in the worst possible location when the army of trolls descends upon the boat and begins their massacre.

Or…

Onni can think of a thousand things that might go wrong for any situation, each with a million tiny variations. But there’s one fear that remains constant, and he doesn’t want to think about that one.

Can Tuuri honestly not see the danger? Or does she just blind herself to it? Could she actually be the stronger one between the two of them?

Onni checks on her in the dream world from time to time. Follows the scent of flowers and fresh grass, crosses over the rift from gray stone and stiff pine trees to an open meadow and warm, whispering breezes. No barriers on her side. He finds her curled up in the sun, or sprawled out with her face to a sea of starlight that she will never open her eyes to. Sometimes he sits with her and tries to describe the beauty of it, hopes to convince her that she doesn't need to cross whole countries to experience life. Sometimes he tries to express here what he can’t in the waking world. Most of the time he just sits quietly, holding on to her presence, knowing she wouldn’t understand even if she could hear.

Tuuri seems close to understanding, sometimes. In the waking world. She repeats his concerns back to him, puts them in different words so he’s almost fooled. But then goes right back to her daydreams. Right back to where he can’t follow her.

Tuuri dreams no matter which world she’s in. Onni can’t remember the last time he dreamt.

Sometimes his heart aches like it’s being pulled in two. One side wanting to give Tuuri happiness, the other clinging to her desperately. He has to remind himself that it’s not in his hands. Even as she slips away in the dark night. Even as he stands at the edge of his dreamscape staring into the rift, struggling to catch that scent of flowers and grass that was once so close.

But one thing is in his hands. His fists are closed around the determination to hear Tuuri’s voice, to know she’s alive; to be, if not  _with_  her, at least close enough to protect her somehow.

Sometimes, Onni thinks he will never see the outside of Keuruu. This time, he wonders if he will ever see the inside again. This time, his feet take the few short steps that will change his life. This time, his decision weighs heavily in his hands, even if his forgotten luggage does not.

**Author's Note:**

> I sat down to work on Teacher Things and twenty minutes later, this existed. No regrets. Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
